Little Black Ridding Hood

As you can guess from the title, this is little parody of the classic tale, Little Red Ridding Hood, with, obviously, characters of my fic. If you have been reading my stories so far, you can imagine the kind of parody this is gonna be “hee hee”. There is going to be a little girl using a hood, black in color of course, and a big bad wolf… wolfo, actually, and anime-anthro at that, and a granny and a basket with food and a lumberjack… but you don’t want me to spoil you the fun, now do you? Enjoy!

Teh Dan doesn’t own anything Zelda related, except for a WW game, but I think that’s all. Oh, and two music cd’s of the series, but that’s all, seriously.

From the War of Sacred Wings’ series…

Little Black Ridding Hood

By: Dan Heron

Chapter 1: The big bad Wolfo and the little girl with the black hood

A Roc cawed far in the distance, briefly silencing every other sound in the outskirts of the Lost Woods before the usual cacophony of sounds returned. The cold weather didn’t seem to discourage the animals of the forest from doing whatever they did everyday. The day was cold, really cold –after all, it was autumn time. Golden and orange leaves covered the vision and the forest floor, of course, and the traditional ymnham flowers blossoming with each ray of sun that touched them, showing their pearl petals to everybody.

It was a nice day.

“Then, why the f*** I can’t enjoy it?” Somebody complained, growling loudly, “Oh, I know, that’s because that brat got lost one too many times and she blames you for that! Aargh!” the scream, or should I say, howl, echoed through the forest, quickly silencing the animals in a more effective way than the Roc did.

The owner of the voice, or growls, was a Wolfos, nothing out of the ordinary on him. Although, in case you haven’t seen them, they look pretty much like your average Human… plus a pair of furry pointy ears, a long and fluffy tail, slightly elongated fangs, and long arms that ended in large, sharp, retractile, canine claws. There was some fur covering the arms and feet paws and around the edges of the face too, but other than that, they were very hairless.

The boy, for he was a boy even though he was half animal, paced in circles, muttering darkly about a certain bratty, spoiled, Sheika b*tch that had hired him and then fired him two seconds later because he got them lost. Of course, the mere thought of a Wolfo getting lost in the Lost Forest was simply… stupid, but she had already threatened to file a complain against him in the Guild of Hyrule so he didn’t tell her that.

Instead, in the instant she scoffed about going on her own with the rest of her groupies, he gladly let her go with said groupies. He didn’t even look back as he ran for his dear life away from the Sheika girl. Well, he had already phoned the Guild, so the issue was out of his hands.

Bad thing he was going to get nothing from the whole experience. If the girls managed to make it alive maybe he would get some bad publicity… and if they didn’t, that would be even worst publicity for him… Actually, he was getting a lot of things out of this. Bad things. And there was the money issue too. This work was supposed to give him enough for the rest of the week but now it seemed he would have to do it the mundane way.

Stealing from thieves.

He sighed. “Well, not like I don’t have fun with that. Besides, I could get some nifty weapons, or even capture some criminal in the process,” he mussed, finally collapsing face down on top of a tree stump. “Yeh, I will do that then. Maybe then Yan-ashói (honorable Yan) isn’t going to bit my head off,” he groaned, using one of his claws to remove the dirt from another. He poked a few times and then sighed. “No… I’m not that lucky.”

He rolled to his side and fell with a thump on the golden leaves, and for a moment, his green shirt and black pants was the only telltale that he was there. His dark blond hair and fur matched perfectly with the autumn scenario. He inhaled deeply and his canine nose picked up all the smells the forest had registered for the past week and then smiled.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Home was the way it was supposed to be, nothing to fix and nothing to worry about. Even after he had left the forest for the city life he still enjoyed taking a few trips to the forest with his two siblings. Although, he doubted they would be up for a field trip any moment soon. His brother probably was exploring another ruin with his Harinco girlfriend, and his sister probably was spending the weekend with her Fox girlfriend in the ranch of said Vixen. Yes, his sister has a girlfriend; do you have a problem with that?!

Well, anyway, back to this particular Wolfo, he had the entire day to come up with a good excuse for the Guild leader instead of the b*tch asked for it. He rolled on his back and ended up sprawled widely, glaring up to the sky.

A bird dared to chirp but was quickly silenced by his ominous howl. He wanted a bit of silence, and by Farore, he was going to get silence.

…

“And if I die today I will be a happy Poe.”

Go figures…

“And I’ll go chasin’ the priestesses out in the yard…”

Well, that sounds like a nice voice…

“And I’ll run naked through the streets without my mask on…”

His ears perked up and he quickly sat up, startling at a hooded figure for a moment before she, because he guessed she was a girl by the voice, regained her composure.

“Does it really go like that?” he inquired, with a bit of honest curiosity on his voice.

“Uh, ya know, gran’ma told me not to speak with strangers,” the girl chuckled, sticking out a hip with attitude. She seemed pretty unfazed at finding herself with a wild Wolfo that seemed to have popped out from the ground.

“That sounds like a good advice,” he replied and took in every little detail in the girl’s figure.

This girl, in her mid teens –probably the same age than him-, was… unusual… because he didn’t want to say weird. Especially not after he smelled coming from her that unmistakable aroma of forged steel and… explosives?

She was wearing lose fitting jeans with a skull patch on the right side of the right leg, her legs ended covered by boots heavily covered in metal and some spikes, straps around her hips, holding something he couldn’t see, a black shirt was covered by a black hood that also covered her head and she seemed to be wearing a scarf beneath that too. On her right hand she held a picnic basket that looked pretty light. Her skin was… pure white –no trace of color at all- while her hair was of the darkest black he had ever seen. The only hints of color on her were her blue eyes, which remained half lidded, almost as if she were falling sleep, and a red tear tattooed under her right eye.

“Much cold?” he mockingly inquired, leisurely lying back on his elbows.

“Nah, not really, Ah just... Oh, wait! Dang it, Ah just talked with ya again, mister Stranger!” she groaned, looking up to the skies. “Well, Ah think we need ta fix dis strangers problem. Hi, cutie, the name is Aliku,” she said, “de Aliku re Lagrima, you better remember it, cutie, cuz Ah’m gonna be one famous gal,” she said, smiling all the way in the cutest way he had ever seen. Of course, for anybody else, it would have seemed like a psychotic, demented, maniac grin, but he just thought she was cute.

He rolled back a little and then kicked up his legs, jumping back on his paws. “Link, Link Corú, moka goeare (nice to meet ya),” he said, presenting his large, left claw to her. She didn’t even think it twice to take it and give it a good shake.

“Prettah much da same here,” she replied, ogling him up and all the way down. The satisfied smirk on her face told him she liked what she saw.

“Ah, hee hee, good to know,” he smirked, blushing faintly. He knew he wasn’t exactly the most handsome guy in Hyrule –especially with these two scars running on his left cheek from under his ear to his lips -, but he also knew he wasn’t that bad looking either.

“Not everyday Ah get to know such hotie,” she said, licking her own elongated fangs.

“Didn’t think a Hylian would think of a Wolfo this decently,” he blinked in surprise.

“Well, wha makes ya think Ah do? Ah could just be tryin’ to get ya to trust me and then kill ya for yer fur,” she said, tapping the tip of one of his ears. “Ah wouldn’t mind havin’ ya all over mah bodah,” she said with that strange glint in her tired eyes.

“Well, my grand grandfather, or grand-grand grandfather, was Hylian, so the Light runs in my family,” he said, giving her a toothy grin.

“Ah could feel that much,” she replied, tapping his chest where the Hylian’s crest was emblazoned over Farore’s paths of life.

“Good to know at least you’re out of the bad lot,” he said, relaxing a little.

“Not all Hylians think of yer kind like animals, you know?” she smiled, taking a step back. In that moment he had the urge to reach out for her again to keep her closer, but he didn’t. Her voice had carried a strange tone that he couldn’t quite put his claw on. She sounded almost… ashamed.

He smiled to her, stroking reassuringly her arm with his claws. “As I said, good to know,” he gave her another Wolfo-ishly grin, letting his soul open for her to feel it.

He saw the moment she felt this happening and they both smiled.

“Well, what’s a cute girl like you doing in the forest all by herself?” he inquired, sitting back on the tree stump.

“Wow, da super cliché strikes again,” she chuckled, sitting next to him, “Man, dat was lame,” she shook her head.

“Hey, what better way to start a conversation than making a fool of yourself?”

“Ah, good point, good point. Ah was just goin’ to visit mah Grans’. Bringin’ some food mama made for her,” she replied, lifting up the basket.

“Really?” he couldn’t help but wonder if that was all the truth. He could feel the truth in her statement, but there was a faint cloud of something else.

“Sure, man. It’s a surprise visit, one that will kill her,” she said, giving him a smirk.

He relaxed a little; she was honest in that last statement.

“But why the weapons, this part of the forest is very quiet and fiends rarely come anywhere near the Lost Woods.”

“Oh, good nose, man. Hee, wha’ can Ah tell ya, Ah just like to feel safe, dat’s all,” she replied, pushing away a bit of her cloak to show him a pair of Tantos strapped to her hips.

“Nifty,” he appreciatively said. He could tell they were old stuff, but kept in top shape.

“Moka aroti (thank you very much), tho, Ah could really do it just fine with some of dese retractile claws,” she said, tapping carefully the end of said claws.

“Nah, believe me, you need to chew them down each day to keep them in line, or they grow way too long in too little time,” he said, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t like to go around accidentally cut something or somebody.”

“Hee, Ah think you can’t have all da fun without some kind of responsibility huh? I mean, we can feel da good in somebody’s souls, but we also hafta feel the bad stuff too.”

“You’re right,” he smiled, moving a little closer. He smelled a bit of her aroma and smiled wider.

“Like the perfume?” she chuckled. “Or is da smell of food?”

He smiled and was about to reply when his stomach beat him to it. “Err, it’s not what it seems,” he embarrassedly said.

She dug a hand into the basket and pulled out an isca, a little sandwich like piece of food, not bigger than her hand. “Come on, Ah’m sure Grans ain’t gonna mind if Ah share a bit with ya,” she said, giving him a reassuringly smile.

He smiled back, taking the piece of food. “Aroti (thanks).”

“Danói (you’re welcome),” she closed her eyes, giving him a charming smile. She took another isca for herself and they both ate in silence, basking in the quietness of the Lost Woods.

They both finished with the little treat and Aliku pulled out another couple of iscas along with a thermo filled with pineapple-flavored water.

She handed him a cup and she served herself in the cap, both clicking their drinks before cheering for Farore and for letting them know each other.

Then, she whined, looking again to the sky. “Ah think it’s time Ah get my tooshy back in gear,” she said, jumping back up on her spike-covered boots.

“Wha? So soon?” he inquired, lamely hiding his disappointment, standing after her.

“Yeh, gomi (sorry), but Ah gotta go,” she ruefully replied, sighing in resignation. “It was nice to meetcha.”

“The same here,” he replied. “If you ever go to Hyrule’s city, look for me, okay?”

“Sure thing, ma-, Link. Ah’ll try to find ya,” she said, giving him another of these grins of her.

“Hope Farore hears ya.”

“Make that Nayru. She’s mah kind of girl.”

“Why don’t we hope to the whole Hyrul?” he chuckled.

“Sounds good to me,” she replied, bowing her head with a smile. “See ya soon.”

“Soon.”

And off she went. She looked over her shoulder after some meters and waved good-bye before taking in a trot, her black hood flapping behind her as she put more and more space between them.

He waved back at her, suddenly finding himself wanting to have her around some more time. An hour tops. He was sure they had barely spent around ten minutes doing absolutely nothing, but he wanted to know more about this girl.

She looked fairly harmless, but his Hylian and Wolfin side told him otherwise. A bit part of him told him to be cautious around this girl if he ever ran into her again, but another part of him –one that covered pretty much everything else- was whispering something that he was liking more and more as the seconds went by.

“Maybe I should follow her,” he grinned Wolfo-ishly, stroking his chin as he considered how he should follow the black hooded girl. Following her trace shouldn’t be that hard, especially with that smell of gunpowder all around her. And if he couldn’t find her, he could track down Gran’s house; barely anybody lived in these parts of the Lost Woods anyway, finding an old lady was piece of cake.

“What do you say, Farore, should I follow her?” he inquired to the skies and his reply was a lonely, tiny, green leaf that feel from over the treetops, dancing its way until it fell on his outstretched claw. “I will take that like a yes,” he chuckled and then set off to find Aliku.



To be continued



Link: The moment I found Aliku I never thought she could be more than just a peculiar girl with a strange sense of fashion. A girl that seemed to love blades and explosives, of course, but nothing more.

I once was a fool…

In the next chapter of Little Black Ridding Hood, chapter 2: Mom, the Wolfo killed grandma! I’ll be lucky if Aliku doesn’t kill me in the next two hours!


Dan: The song Aliku is raping before she’s introduced was taken from “The Happy Phantom”, by Tori Amos

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